If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.

Quote by Jack Handy

Topics: Love Quotes

I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I...

I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I...

If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell...

If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell...

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights,even if you...

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights,even if you...

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And...

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And...

The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his...

The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his...

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and...

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and...

Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've...

Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've...

The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole...

The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole...

I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran...

I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran...

And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around...

And after you're real drunk, maybe go down to the public park and stagger around...

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the...

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the...

I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder...

I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder...

If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people,...

If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people,...

If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people,...

If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people,...

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of...

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of...

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because...

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because...

I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then,...

I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then,...

What's worth doing is worth doing for money.

What's worth doing is worth doing for money.

Money is not required to buy one necessity of the soul.

Money is not required to buy one necessity of the soul.

The best thing for being sad, replied Merlyn, beginning to puff and blow, is to...

The best thing for being sad, replied Merlyn, beginning to puff and blow, is to...