The tired and thirsty prospector threw himself down at the edge of the watering hole and started to drink. But then he looked around and saw skulls and bones everywhere. Uh-oh, he thought. This watering hole is reserved for skeletons.

Quote by Jack Handy

Topics: Drink Quotes

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because...

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Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it,...

Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it,...

It's interesting to think that my ancestors used to live in the trees, like apes,...

It's interesting to think that my ancestors used to live in the trees, like apes,...

It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But...

It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But...

I hope that after I die, people will say of me: That guy sure owed...

I hope that after I die, people will say of me: That guy sure owed...

If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people,...

If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people,...

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And...

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And...

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because,...

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because,...

If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell...

If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell...

To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you...

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As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again,...

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Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've...

I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran...

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Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights,even if you...

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To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the...

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I bet it was pretty hard to pick up girls if you had the Black...

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I can remember how when I was young I believed death to be a phenomenon...

I can remember how when I was young I believed death to be a phenomenon...

Death takes no bribes.

Death takes no bribes.

Then out spake brave Horatius, The Captain of the Gate: 'To every man upon this...

Then out spake brave Horatius, The Captain of the Gate: 'To every man upon this...