I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.

Quote by Dave Barry

Topics: Dave Barry Quotes

The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of...

The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of...

The difference between men and women is that, if given the choice between saving the...

The difference between men and women is that, if given the choice between saving the...

The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and...

The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and...

The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about...

The question is, why are politicians so eager to be president? What is it about...

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including...

American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including...

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads,...

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads,...

Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.

Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been...

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been...

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it,...

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it,...

A program is a spell cast over a computer, turning input into error messages

A program is a spell cast over a computer, turning input into error messages

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.

There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.

Mother Nature clearly intended for us to get our food from the patty group, which...

Mother Nature clearly intended for us to get our food from the patty group, which...

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be...

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be...

I was a young person once, shortly after the polar ice caps retreated, and I...

I was a young person once, shortly after the polar ice caps retreated, and I...

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally...

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally...

Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.

Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.

I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around...

I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around...

High technology has done us one great service: It has retaught us the delight of...

High technology has done us one great service: It has retaught us the delight of...

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.