The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.

Quote by Dave Barry

Topics: Dave Barry Quotes

Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a...

Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a...

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's...

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's...

The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from...

The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from...

Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is...

Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is...

I find myself having these conversations where I go...You know, the guy, in that place....

I find myself having these conversations where I go...You know, the guy, in that place....

All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of...

All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of...

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as...

My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as...

In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up...

In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up...

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your...

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your...

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This...

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This...

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and...

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and...

The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.

The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.

In fact, just about all the major natural attractions you find in the West- the...

In fact, just about all the major natural attractions you find in the West- the...

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of...

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of...

The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.

The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument...

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument...

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person...

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person...

I didn't know how babies were made until I was pregnant with my fourth child.

I didn't know how babies were made until I was pregnant with my fourth child.