I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite. You see the trouble is he's very old fashioned. When he gives you an injection you have to bite on a bullet.

Quote by Les Dawson

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like...

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like...

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the...

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the...

He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his...

He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his...

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw...

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw...

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going...

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going...

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

A man has no religion who has not slowly and painfully gathered one together, adding...

A man has no religion who has not slowly and painfully gathered one together, adding...

When a woman reaches orgasm with a man she is only collaborating with the patriarchal...

When a woman reaches orgasm with a man she is only collaborating with the patriarchal...

When problems arise, women focus more on weighing their emotions, while men tend to work...

When problems arise, women focus more on weighing their emotions, while men tend to work...

Men are rewarded or punished not for what they do but for how their acts...

Men are rewarded or punished not for what they do but for how their acts...

A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be...

A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be...

And why is it that some men just can't deal with the idea that a...

And why is it that some men just can't deal with the idea that a...

Unfortunately, it seems that the way Usenet is set up, women are the zebras, and...

Unfortunately, it seems that the way Usenet is set up, women are the zebras, and...

Men are strong only so long as they represent a strong idea. They become powerless...

Men are strong only so long as they represent a strong idea. They become powerless...

If you wish to know what a man is, place him in authority.

If you wish to know what a man is, place him in authority.

The big mistake that men make is that when they turn thirteen or fourteen and...

The big mistake that men make is that when they turn thirteen or fourteen and...

Every guy should give their girl 3 things: A stuffed animal, jewelry, and one of...

Every guy should give their girl 3 things: A stuffed animal, jewelry, and one of...

We're all citizens of the womb, before we subdivide into sexes and shades- this side,...

We're all citizens of the womb, before we subdivide into sexes and shades- this side,...

Disguise our bondage as we will, 'Tis woman, woman, rules us still.

Disguise our bondage as we will, 'Tis woman, woman, rules us still.