After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'

Quote by Ronnie Shakes

Topics: Funny Quotes, Happy Quotes

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to...

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to...

I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I...

I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I...

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to...

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to...

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to...

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to...

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then...

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then...

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes....

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes....

There is something that falls short of perfection in every book, without exception, something influenced...

There is something that falls short of perfection in every book, without exception, something influenced...

A good old man, sir. He will be talking. As they say, when the age...

A good old man, sir. He will be talking. As they say, when the age...

Must then Christ perish in torment in every age to save those that have no...

Must then Christ perish in torment in every age to save those that have no...

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age...

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age...

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove...

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove...

As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.

As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't.

Wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

Wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

Be careful who you're calling a child, Lois, because if I'm a child, that makes...

Be careful who you're calling a child, Lois, because if I'm a child, that makes...

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

At my age, I'm envious of a stiff wind.

Heres something to think about: How come you never see a headline like Psychic Wins...

Heres something to think about: How come you never see a headline like Psychic Wins...

You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he...

You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he...

It's scary that 50% of all marriages end in divorce...it's even scarier that the other...

It's scary that 50% of all marriages end in divorce...it's even scarier that the other...

Graduation Speech: I'd like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy &...

Graduation Speech: I'd like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy &...

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh...

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh...