I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

Quote by Les Dawson

Topics: Les Dawson Quotes

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going...

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going...

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his...

He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his...

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me...

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me...

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like...

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like...

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the...

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the...

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

I'm back... and you knew I was coming. On my way here I passed a...

I'm back... and you knew I was coming. On my way here I passed a...

My retirement plan is to find a shopping cart with good snow tires.

My retirement plan is to find a shopping cart with good snow tires.

An ugly baby is a very nasty object - and the prettiest is frightful.

An ugly baby is a very nasty object - and the prettiest is frightful.

There has never been an age that did not applaud the past and lament the...

There has never been an age that did not applaud the past and lament the...

Study until 25, investigate until 40, profession until 60, at which age I would have...

Study until 25, investigate until 40, profession until 60, at which age I would have...

Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now, I have...

Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now, I have...

There is something that falls short of perfection in every book, without exception, something influenced...

There is something that falls short of perfection in every book, without exception, something influenced...

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly...

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly...

Nothing makes me want a relationship to fail more than matching profile pictures.

No one will win the battle of the sexes, there is too much flirting with...

No one will win the battle of the sexes, there is too much flirting with...

I would gladly admit women are superior to men if only they would stop trying...

I would gladly admit women are superior to men if only they would stop trying...