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Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the...

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the...

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw...

I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw...

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me...

I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me...

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like...

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like...

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going...

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going...

The early bird gets the worm. The early worm...gets eaten.

The early bird gets the worm. The early worm...gets eaten.

I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make...

I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make...

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

In middle age we are apt to reach the horrifying conclusion that all sorrow, all...

In middle age we are apt to reach the horrifying conclusion that all sorrow, all...

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the...

Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the...

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

The vision is really that in the information age the microprocessor-based machine, the PC, along...

The vision is really that in the information age the microprocessor-based machine, the PC, along...

Eating Taco Bell is like sleeping with your ex. I feel horrible afterwards and I'm...

Eating Taco Bell is like sleeping with your ex. I feel horrible afterwards and I'm...

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.

I'd rather laugh in bed than do it. If I went to a lady of...

I'd rather laugh in bed than do it. If I went to a lady of...