I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

Quote by Paul Lynde

Topics: Funny Quotes

I often go on a liquid fast a couple of days a week. I never...

I often go on a liquid fast a couple of days a week. I never...

My sisters said, Why do you make those faces? You make yourself so ugly.

My sisters said, Why do you make those faces? You make yourself so ugly.

Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must...

Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must...

I laughed all the way through Love Story.

I laughed all the way through Love Story.

My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his...

My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his...

It was the worst moment of my life. The producer came up and talked me...

It was the worst moment of my life. The producer came up and talked me...

I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.

I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.

Learning lines is on my mind until I do know them. I'll read the paper...

Learning lines is on my mind until I do know them. I'll read the paper...

I feel now it's useless to keep hoping. The way things are today, we live...

I feel now it's useless to keep hoping. The way things are today, we live...

My following is straight. I'm so glad.

My following is straight. I'm so glad.

I don't understand why people don't remember my name.

I don't understand why people don't remember my name.

The dining room in my old house was truly magnificent, but by far the worst...

The dining room in my old house was truly magnificent, but by far the worst...

Someday I'm going to go onstage in a dress if I want to.

Someday I'm going to go onstage in a dress if I want to.

If I ever completely lost my nervousness I would be frightened half to death.

If I ever completely lost my nervousness I would be frightened half to death.

I'm Liberace without a piano.

I'm Liberace without a piano.

My table seats eight, so that's my maximum. Having a small number of guests is...

My table seats eight, so that's my maximum. Having a small number of guests is...

Food was a constant topic of conversation in our household.

Food was a constant topic of conversation in our household.

When I said I didn't have a cent, I didn't. I used to get annoyed...

When I said I didn't have a cent, I didn't. I used to get annoyed...

My kitchen is not a place to live in. I made it white so I...

My kitchen is not a place to live in. I made it white so I...

The doctor's name was Sylvia. I told her she'd have a problem with me because...

The doctor's name was Sylvia. I told her she'd have a problem with me because...