I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

Quote by Emo Philips

Topics: Murder Quotes, Time Quotes

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at...

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at...

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved...

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved...

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down....

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down....

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and...

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and...

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle....

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle....

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle....

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle....

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things...

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things...

After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that...

After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that...

A high-school teacher, after all, is a person deputized by the rest of us to...

A high-school teacher, after all, is a person deputized by the rest of us to...

The school has always been the most important means of transferring the wealth of tradition...

The school has always been the most important means of transferring the wealth of tradition...

If the school sends out children with a desire for knowledge and some idea of...

If the school sends out children with a desire for knowledge and some idea of...

We learn not in the school, but in life

We learn not in the school, but in life

Maintaining order in the classrooms has never been easy [and] it is evident that the...

Maintaining order in the classrooms has never been easy [and] it is evident that the...

Communism is like one big phone company.

Communism is like one big phone company.

Schools must not become the agencies through which propaganda advocated by any section of society...

Schools must not become the agencies through which propaganda advocated by any section of society...

Why may not the Bible and especially the New Testament be read and taught as...

Why may not the Bible and especially the New Testament be read and taught as...

Real improvement in our schools is not simply a matter of spending more, it is...

Real improvement in our schools is not simply a matter of spending more, it is...

If all the rich and all of the church people should send their children to...

If all the rich and all of the church people should send their children to...

Every schoolmaster after the age of forty-nine, is inclined to flatulence is apt to swallow...

Every schoolmaster after the age of forty-nine, is inclined to flatulence is apt to swallow...

In my Sunday School class there was a beautiful little girl with golden curls. I...

In my Sunday School class there was a beautiful little girl with golden curls. I...