I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

Quote by Emo Philips

Topics: Murder Quotes, Time Quotes

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and...

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and...

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down....

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down....

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at...

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at...

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle....

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle....

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle....

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle....

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things...

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things...

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved...

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved...

Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish.

Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish.

Congratulate yourselves if you have done something strange and extravagant and broken the monotony of...

Congratulate yourselves if you have done something strange and extravagant and broken the monotony of...

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art.

Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art.

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like...

In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like...

The longest word in the english language is the one that follows the phrase, 'And...

The longest word in the english language is the one that follows the phrase, 'And...

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and...

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and...

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half...

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half...

When youre up to your armpits in alligators, its hard to remember to drain the...

When youre up to your armpits in alligators, its hard to remember to drain the...

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

From birth to 18 a girl needs good parents; from 18 to 35, she needs...

From birth to 18 a girl needs good parents; from 18 to 35, she needs...

The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're...

The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're...