I never drink coffee at work...mainly because it keeps me awake.

Topics: Funny Quotes, Work Quotes

Good taste and humour...are a contradiction in terms, like a chaste whore.

Good taste and humour...are a contradiction in terms, like a chaste whore.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and Im not sure about the...

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and Im not sure about the...

If your attack is going too well, youre walking into an ambush.

If your attack is going too well, youre walking into an ambush.

Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It...

Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It...

When I was very young and the urge to be someplace was on me, I...

When I was very young and the urge to be someplace was on me, I...

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

If you dont drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, And then...

If you dont drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, And then...

Every book has an intrinsic impossibility, which its writer discovers as soon as his first...

Every book has an intrinsic impossibility, which its writer discovers as soon as his first...

There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you...

There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you...

I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on.

I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on.

I view the tea-drinking as a destroyer of health, an enfeebler of the frome, an...

I view the tea-drinking as a destroyer of health, an enfeebler of the frome, an...

I have to be careful to get out before I become the grotesque caricature of...

I have to be careful to get out before I become the grotesque caricature of...

The chalk thing lebron does before games...isn't chalk. It's dust from his fingers being ringless.

The chalk thing lebron does before games...isn't chalk. It's dust from his fingers being ringless.

Democracy becomes a government of bullies tempered by editors.

Democracy becomes a government of bullies tempered by editors.

Someone introduce me to whoever invented Mornings. I will beat the shit out of them.

Someone introduce me to whoever invented Mornings. I will beat the shit out of them.

Jazz is the folk music of the machine age.

Jazz is the folk music of the machine age.

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

Young people don't know what age is, and old people forget what youth was.

Young people don't know what age is, and old people forget what youth was.

Work is the meat of life, pleasure the dessert

Work is the meat of life, pleasure the dessert

Our chief defect is that we are more given to talking about things than to...

Our chief defect is that we are more given to talking about things than to...