Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did it too! He'd hit me and shout, 'Have ye had enough?' Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? 'Why, Father, would another kick in…

Quote by Billy Connolly

Topics: Funny Quotes, Parents Quotes

Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply...

Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply...

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of...

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of...

I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a...

I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a...

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares?...

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares?...

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go...

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go...

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a...

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a...

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was...

My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was...

To keep the fire burning brightly there's one easy rule: Keep the two logs together,...

To keep the fire burning brightly there's one easy rule: Keep the two logs together,...

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's...

I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's...

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get...

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get...

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it...

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it...

I'm famous for my bottom dances, but you'll only see my bum and willy if...

I'm famous for my bottom dances, but you'll only see my bum and willy if...

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture...

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture...

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those...

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those...

I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful....

I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful....

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.