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Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent...

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent...

Nothing in fine print is ever good news.

Nothing in fine print is ever good news.

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen...

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen...

The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.

The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

Death is a distant rumor to the young.

Death is a distant rumor to the young.

I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who think they like our country more than I do. Some...

I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who think they like our country more than I do. Some...

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in...

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in...

Democrats (I think to myself) are liberals who believe the people are basically good, but...

Democrats (I think to myself) are liberals who believe the people are basically good, but...

Elephants and grandchildren never forget.

Elephants and grandchildren never forget.

Because over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and...

Because over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and...

Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.

Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in...

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in...

Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.

Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent...

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent...

I've done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I've complained about,...

I've done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I've complained about,...

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef...

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef...

As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs....

As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs....

Trying to accomplish a task before the microwave hits 0 like your life depends on...

Trying to accomplish a task before the microwave hits 0 like your life depends on...

I wish my microwave had a 'stealth mode' so the people I'm living with don't...

I wish my microwave had a 'stealth mode' so the people I'm living with don't...

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill...

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill...