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Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a...

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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a...

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef...

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I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef...

Because over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and...

Because over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and...

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent...

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent...

Anyone who lies golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

Anyone who lies golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they...

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People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they...

Democrats (I think to myself) are liberals who believe the people are basically good, but...

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Democrats (I think to myself) are liberals who believe the people are basically good, but...

Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.

Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

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If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.

I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.

I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get...

I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get...

I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it...

I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it...

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more...

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more...

I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep...

I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep...

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning...

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning...

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in...

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in...

When a politician mentions God half a dozen times in a speech, it's to appropriate...

When a politician mentions God half a dozen times in a speech, it's to appropriate...