I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else…

Quote by Andy Rooney

Topics: Andy Rooney Quotes

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.

Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of...

Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of...

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror....

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror....

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen...

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen...

Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a...

Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a...

Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.

Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.

I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep...

I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep...

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning...

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning...

Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.

Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.

All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under...

All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under...

I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.

I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.

As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we...

As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we...

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in...

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in...

I've done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I've complained about,...

I've done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I've complained about,...

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they...

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they...

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in...

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in...

Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of...

Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of...

Death is a distant rumor to the young.

Death is a distant rumor to the young.