I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.

Quote by Winston Spear

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.

I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am.

To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am.

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the...

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the...

Here Greek and Roman find themselves alive along these crowded shelves; and Shakespeare treads again...

Here Greek and Roman find themselves alive along these crowded shelves; and Shakespeare treads again...

It is in the thirties that we want friends. In the forties we know they...

It is in the thirties that we want friends. In the forties we know they...

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year...

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year...

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife...

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife...

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.

Must then Christ perish in torment in every age to save those that have no...

Must then Christ perish in torment in every age to save those that have no...

Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, youre...

Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, youre...

For in all the world there are no people so piteous and forlorn as those...

For in all the world there are no people so piteous and forlorn as those...

Midlife crisis is that moment when you realize your children and your clothes are about...

Midlife crisis is that moment when you realize your children and your clothes are about...

I dont like to be labeled as lonely just because I am alone.

I dont like to be labeled as lonely just because I am alone.

In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.

In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning...

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning...

Study until 25, investigate until 40, profession until 60, at which age I would have...

Study until 25, investigate until 40, profession until 60, at which age I would have...

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old...

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old...