Ever have that one friend who gets a Valentine's Day gift for their mother? Doens't that freak you out a little? It's like, 'I don't know how to break this to you but I think she's banging your dad!

Quote by Russ Meneve

Topics: Funny Quotes, Valentines Day Quotes

No officer, my speech isn't slurred. I'm just talking in cursive.

No officer, my speech isn't slurred. I'm just talking in cursive.

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.

In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us.

In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Always strive to excel, but only on weekends.

Always strive to excel, but only on weekends.

We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would...

We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would...

You know, Hobbes, some days even my rocketship underpants dont help.

You know, Hobbes, some days even my rocketship underpants dont help.

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.

My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.

My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.

A Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits in...

A Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits in...

The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.

The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.

Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish.

Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish.

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

Two people getting together to write a book is like three people getting together to...

Two people getting together to write a book is like three people getting together to...

Im not really a good singer. But most people arent, either.

Im not really a good singer. But most people arent, either.

I believe the true function of age is memory. I'm recording as fast as I...

I believe the true function of age is memory. I'm recording as fast as I...

The rest of all the acts of Asa, and all his might, and all that...

The rest of all the acts of Asa, and all his might, and all that...

I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke...

I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke...

For you see, each day I love you more today, more than yesterday and less...

For you see, each day I love you more today, more than yesterday and less...

Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile.

Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile.