I hate when I'm about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.

Topics: Funny Quotes, Silly Quotes

This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some...

This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some...

Vision without action is daydream. Action without vision is nightmare.

Vision without action is daydream. Action without vision is nightmare.

I've risen from the dead. Though sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I...

I've risen from the dead. Though sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I...

So one day as a kid I was at the local Zoo. I was bored...

So one day as a kid I was at the local Zoo. I was bored...

Knowledge in youth is wisdom in age.

Knowledge in youth is wisdom in age.

Men are liars. We lie about lying if we have to.

Men are liars. We lie about lying if we have to.

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot...

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot...

It is the privilege of posterity to set matters right between those antagonists who, by...

It is the privilege of posterity to set matters right between those antagonists who, by...

We sing and dance, make faces and give flower bouquets, trying to be loved. You...

We sing and dance, make faces and give flower bouquets, trying to be loved. You...

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a...

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a...

He who laughs last laughs longest

He who laughs last laughs longest

You live in the age of interdependence. Borders don't count for much or stop much,...

You live in the age of interdependence. Borders don't count for much or stop much,...

Hand wash only = 'Machine wash, gentle cycle.'

Hand wash only = 'Machine wash, gentle cycle.'

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but...

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but...

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I've found a formula for avoiding these exaggerated fears of age; you take care of...

I've found a formula for avoiding these exaggerated fears of age; you take care of...

You better cut the pizza in four pieces, because I'm not hungry enough to eat...

You better cut the pizza in four pieces, because I'm not hungry enough to eat...

If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards...it's actually about a magical boat that...

If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards...it's actually about a magical boat that...

I named my hard drive 'That Ass' so once a month my computer asks me...

I named my hard drive 'That Ass' so once a month my computer asks me...