I hate when I'm about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.
I would there were no age between ten and three-and-twenty, or that youth would sleep...
Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are...
Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to...
Life is not so bad if you have plenty of luck, a good physique and...
He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
I do 5 sit-ups every morning. May not sound like much, but there's only so...
Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I...
If youth knew; if age could.
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
I'd love to kiss you, but I just washed my hair.
Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero...
It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to...
Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine
Is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's blunders?
I am one boob, you are the other boob and together? We are breast friends.
There's a certain part of the contented majority who love anybody who is worth a...