I hate when I'm about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.

Topics: Funny Quotes, Silly Quotes

That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too.

That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too.

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.

Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that...

Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that...

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find...

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find...

The passions grafted on wounded pride are the most inveterate; they are green and vigorous...

The passions grafted on wounded pride are the most inveterate; they are green and vigorous...

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...

A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we...

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note...

Opportunity is always knocking. The problem is that most people have the self-doubt station in...

Opportunity is always knocking. The problem is that most people have the self-doubt station in...

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked...

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked...

Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of...

Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of...

A poet must need be before his own age, to be even with posterity.

A poet must need be before his own age, to be even with posterity.

There sit the sainted sage, the bard divine, The few, whom genius gave to shine...

There sit the sainted sage, the bard divine, The few, whom genius gave to shine...

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.

Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.

Love is like seaweed; even if you have pushed it away, you will not prevent...

Love is like seaweed; even if you have pushed it away, you will not prevent...