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I've done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I've complained about,...

I've done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I've complained about,...

Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of...

Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of...

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if...

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if...

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef...

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef...

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more...

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more...

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.

The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.

Anyone who lies golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

Anyone who lies golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

Democrats (I think to myself) are liberals who believe the people are basically good, but...

Democrats (I think to myself) are liberals who believe the people are basically good, but...

I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get...

I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get...

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in...

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in...

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent...

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent...

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning...

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning...

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a...

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a...

When a politician mentions God half a dozen times in a speech, it's to appropriate...

When a politician mentions God half a dozen times in a speech, it's to appropriate...

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror....

The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror....

Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of...

Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of...

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.