I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who think they like our country more than I do. Some people's idea of patriotism is hating other countries.
Quote by Andy Rooney
Anyone who lies golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a...
Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in...
I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get...
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter'
Because over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and...
If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in...
Death is a distant rumor to the young.
If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning...
Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.
The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.
Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.
When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if...
I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more...
The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army...