I always look behind the shower curtain before I go pee...you know, incase there is a murderer...

Topics: Shit Happens Quotes

Locking your car again because you can't remember if you heard the horn beep the...

Locking your car again because you can't remember if you heard the horn beep the...

In life you need one thing to survive: The ability to realize shit happens. You...

In life you need one thing to survive: The ability to realize shit happens. You...

That awkward run you do when a car lets you cross the street.

That awkward run you do when a car lets you cross the street.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

You know what the trouble about real life is? Theres no danger music.

You know what the trouble about real life is? Theres no danger music.

Texting someone while you're half asleep then reading your text in the morning and realizing...

Texting someone while you're half asleep then reading your text in the morning and realizing...

The awkward moment when the weirdest person in your school gets a boyfriend and you're...

The awkward moment when the weirdest person in your school gets a boyfriend and you're...

That awkward moment when someone says 'Hello!' and you are like 'Good thanks!'

That awkward moment when someone says 'Hello!' and you are like 'Good thanks!'

That awkward moment when you walk into a room and realize you completely forgot what...

That awkward moment when you walk into a room and realize you completely forgot what...

You can plan a pretty picnic but you cant predict the weather.

You can plan a pretty picnic but you cant predict the weather.

That awkward moment when you realize you've kept talking even after your call dropped out...

That awkward moment when you realize you've kept talking even after your call dropped out...

That moment of embarrassment when you wave at someone but they don't wave back.

That moment of embarrassment when you wave at someone but they don't wave back.

People change, things go wrong, shit happens, but life goes on.

People change, things go wrong, shit happens, but life goes on.

That awkward moment when you cant find your phone because your bed ate it.

That awkward moment when you cant find your phone because your bed ate it.

Nothing ever goes exactly as planned. Thats why its a plan...not a certainty.

Nothing ever goes exactly as planned. Thats why its a plan...not a certainty.

The awkward moment when you think a customer is a salesperson.

The awkward moment when you think a customer is a salesperson.

That awkward moment when you throw something at your friend and it hits somebody else.

That awkward moment when you throw something at your friend and it hits somebody else.

I hate when I can't remember if I am drying off my face with the...

I hate when I can't remember if I am drying off my face with the...