One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world.

Quote by Stephen Wright

Topics: Funny Quotes, Pregnancy Quotes

Boy, life takes a long time to live

Boy, life takes a long time to live

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in...

I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint,...

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint,...

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new...

I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new...

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's...

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one...

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one...

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how...

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how...

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a...

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a...

There was never an age in which useless knowledge was more important than our own.

There was never an age in which useless knowledge was more important than our own.

I don't believe one grows older. I think that what happens early on in life...

I don't believe one grows older. I think that what happens early on in life...

Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they...

Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they...

My next breakup line 'Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, you.'

My next breakup line 'Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, you.'