All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

Quote by Lenny Bruce

Topics: Humor Quotes

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We...

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We...

When you're eight years old nothing is your business.

When you're eight years old nothing is your business.

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will...

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will...

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing...

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing...

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of...

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of...

A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it...

A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it...

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little...

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little...

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing...

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing...

The what should be never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to...

The what should be never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to...

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake...

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake...

Communism is like one big phone company.

Communism is like one big phone company.

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We...

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We...

Everyday took an age to go by, which was odd, because days plural went past...

Everyday took an age to go by, which was odd, because days plural went past...

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about...

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about...

I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad...

I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad...

Dear teacher, would you mind not looking at my paper while I'm answering your test?...

Dear teacher, would you mind not looking at my paper while I'm answering your test?...