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The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of...

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of...

There are never enough I Love You's.

There are never enough I Love You's.

When you're eight years old nothing is your business.

When you're eight years old nothing is your business.

The what should be never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to...

The what should be never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to...

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We...

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We...

I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.

I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will...

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will...

Communism is like one big phone company.

Communism is like one big phone company.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing...

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing...