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I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I...

I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I...

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to...

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to...

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to...

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to...

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes....

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes....

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to...

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to...

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes....

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes....

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will...

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will...

At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look...

At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look...

History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.

History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and...

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and...

Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.

Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.

Had it not been for you, I should have remained what I was when we...

Had it not been for you, I should have remained what I was when we...

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry...

One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry...

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

The miracle is this - the more we share, the more we have.

The miracle is this - the more we share, the more we have.

We all learn by experience but some of us have to go to summer school.

We all learn by experience but some of us have to go to summer school.

Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.

Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.