I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes.

Quote by Stephen Wright

Topics: Houses Quotes

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

Boy, life takes a long time to live

Boy, life takes a long time to live

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new...

I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new...

Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far...

Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far...

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said,...

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said,...

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one...

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one...

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's...

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint,...

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint,...

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint,...

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint,...

He was a multi-millionaire. Wanna know how he made all of his money? He designed...

He was a multi-millionaire. Wanna know how he made all of his money? He designed...

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing...

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing...

Change your language and you change your thoughts.

Change your language and you change your thoughts.

Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example...

Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example...

People who cannot distinguish between good and bad language, or who regard the distinction as...

People who cannot distinguish between good and bad language, or who regard the distinction as...