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Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays...

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Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays...

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

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When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

No one looks back on their and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep

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No one looks back on their and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better...

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Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better...

Do you have any books about making friends?

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Do you have any books about making friends?

I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

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I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

It's funny how you can tell someone likes someone else, but you can't tell when...

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It's funny how you can tell someone likes someone else, but you can't tell when...

Life is far too serious a thing to talk seriously about.

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Life is far too serious a thing to talk seriously about.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Only 3 types of people tell the truth: Kids, the drunk and the angry.

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Only 3 types of people tell the truth: Kids, the drunk and the angry.

If you wouldn't make her a wife. Then don't make her a mother.

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If you wouldn't make her a wife. Then don't make her a mother.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at...

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I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at...

That's the problem with drinking, I thought as I poured myself a drink. If something...

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That's the problem with drinking, I thought as I poured myself a drink. If something...

I really wanted to buy each of the kids something fabulous. But have you seen...

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I really wanted to buy each of the kids something fabulous. But have you seen...

An old man: You're Dr. House, aren't you? House: Oh God, don´t tell we used...

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An old man: You're Dr. House, aren't you? House: Oh God, don´t tell we used...

Do you ever wonder why Love is like drinking beer ? It's because once you...

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Do you ever wonder why Love is like drinking beer ? It's because once you...

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing...

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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations. We're doing...

I've found the key to happiness. Stay the hell away from assholes

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I've found the key to happiness. Stay the hell away from assholes

Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell myself what I know now

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Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell myself what I know now

Imagination is more important than knowledge. For while knowledge defines all we currently know and...

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Imagination is more important than knowledge. For while knowledge defines all we currently know and...

God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas but for scars.

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God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas but for scars.