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When you're down Friends say: "If you need me, give me a call". Best friends...

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When you're down Friends say:

Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more awesome

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Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more awesome

The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

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The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

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There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

I can't do this anymore. I can't keep smiling and being optimistic all the time...

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I can't do this anymore. I can't keep smiling and being optimistic all the time...

Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

"How are you going to feel when he sees you without any makeup?" "I'm not...

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No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care

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No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care

All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

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All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

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A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary...

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When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary...

I made me laugh

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I made me laugh

OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things...

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OK, yes it's a mistake. I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things...

In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

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In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth

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A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth

The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

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The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

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Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, But I know...

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God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, But I know...

Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so...

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Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs; he alone suffers so...

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low Only hate the road when you're...

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Only know you've been high when you're feeling low Only hate the road when you're...

I just want to kiss you all over and laugh with you and smile with...

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I just want to kiss you all over and laugh with you and smile with...