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Tits is a word you can't say on television. That's such a friendly word. It's...

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Tits is a word you can't say on television. That's such a friendly word. It's...

If a man smiles all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work

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If a man smiles all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and...

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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and...

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

The paradox of our time in history We have bigger houses and smaller families; more...

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The paradox of our time in history We have bigger houses and smaller families; more...

Inside every cynical person there is a disappointed idealist

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Inside every cynical person there is a disappointed idealist

Violent Criminals. You take the entire state of Kansas , give them a couple of...

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Violent Criminals. You take the entire state of Kansas , give them a couple of...

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster...

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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster...

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I...

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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I...

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are...

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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are...

There are some things you don't want to hear. Here's something I don't want to...

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There are some things you don't want to hear. Here's something I don't want to...

Some people see things that happen and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that...

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Some people see things that happen and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that...

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for...

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Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for...

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of'em are...

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Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of'em are...

Ahh, a little cancer never hurt anybody. Everybody needs a little cancer I think. It's...

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Ahh, a little cancer never hurt anybody. Everybody needs a little cancer I think. It's...

Don't just teach your children to read.. Teach them to question what they read. Teach...

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Don't just teach your children to read.. Teach them to question what they read. Teach...

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that...

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Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that...

Personality begins where comparison ends.

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Personality begins where comparison ends.

If you take care of yourself, you can give more to everything else.

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If you take care of yourself, you can give more to everything else.

The question isn't can you? It's will you?

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The question isn't can you? It's will you?

A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never...

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A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never...

We wish to pursue the truth no matter where it leads; but to find the...

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We wish to pursue the truth no matter where it leads; but to find the...

Sometimes those who challenge you most teach you best

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Sometimes those who challenge you most teach you best