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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and...

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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

A lot of times when a package says 'Open other end', I purposely open the...

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A lot of times when a package says 'Open other end', I purposely open the...

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster...

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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster...

Inside every cynical person there is a disappointed idealist

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Inside every cynical person there is a disappointed idealist

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I...

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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I...

Violent Criminals. You take the entire state of Kansas , give them a couple of...

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Violent Criminals. You take the entire state of Kansas , give them a couple of...

Ahh, a little cancer never hurt anybody. Everybody needs a little cancer I think. It's...

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Ahh, a little cancer never hurt anybody. Everybody needs a little cancer I think. It's...

If a man smiles all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work

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If a man smiles all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work

'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

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'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

There are some things you don't want to hear. Here's something I don't want to...

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There are some things you don't want to hear. Here's something I don't want to...

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for...

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Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for...

The paradox of our time in history We have bigger houses and smaller families; more...

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The paradox of our time in history We have bigger houses and smaller families; more...

Some people see things that happen and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that...

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Some people see things that happen and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that...

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of'em are...

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Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of'em are...

I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot

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I don't know who invented high heels, but all women owe him a lot

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

Time spent with cats is never wasted

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Time spent with cats is never wasted

What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?

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What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?

Everybody is a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb...

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Everybody is a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb...