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Love and time, those are the only two things in all the world and all...

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Love and time, those are the only two things in all the world and all...

Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy...

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Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy...

Love and time those are the only two things in all the world and all...

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Love and time those are the only two things in all the world and all...

As I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing everyone...

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As I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing everyone...

Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out...

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Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out...

I'm pretty sure the whole "ladies first" when opening up a door was created by...

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I'm pretty sure the whole

This woman I met last week says she wants a guy who is "funny and...

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This woman I met last week says she wants a guy who is

New Year's Resolutions This year I resolve to be more democratic and I've made a...

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New Year's Resolutions This year I resolve to be more democratic and I've made a...

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

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Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

When someone asks me to borrow a book, at first I'm happy they want to...

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When someone asks me to borrow a book, at first I'm happy they want to...

A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks, a woman loses hers after...

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A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks, a woman loses hers after...

There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

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There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

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Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

It's funny how you can tell someone likes someone else, but you can't tell when...

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It's funny how you can tell someone likes someone else, but you can't tell when...

Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays...

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Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays...

So many books, so little time.

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So many books, so little time.

Im great in bed, I can sleep for days.

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Im great in bed, I can sleep for days.

When I die I want my last words to be, I left a million dollars...

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When I die I want my last words to be, I left a million dollars...

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

I once asked an old man: which is more important to love or to be...

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I once asked an old man: which is more important to love or to be...