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Love and time, those are the only two things in all the world and all...

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Love and time, those are the only two things in all the world and all...

Love and time those are the only two things in all the world and all...

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Love and time those are the only two things in all the world and all...

Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy...

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Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy...

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. if you...

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By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. if you...

I'm pretty sure the whole "ladies first" when opening up a door was created by...

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I'm pretty sure the whole

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance.There's no doubt about it.Anytime you have a...

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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance.There's no doubt about it.Anytime you have a...

When a woman is twenty, a child deforms her; when she is thirty, he preserves...

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When a woman is twenty, a child deforms her; when she is thirty, he preserves...

I made me laugh

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I made me laugh

Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

What I feel like when I stop at a red light next to the ladies......

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What I feel like when I stop at a red light next to the ladies......

I knew you would come, Santa! Hey, Santa, where's your big, round belly?

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I knew you would come, Santa! Hey, Santa, where's your big, round belly?

At supervillain college, crazy laughter is probably a two-semester course

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At supervillain college, crazy laughter is probably a two-semester course

Sometimes I pretend to be normal. but it gets boring so I go back to...

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Sometimes I pretend to be normal. but it gets boring so I go back to...

If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion.

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If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion.

You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it,...

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You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it,...

The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men

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The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men

I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

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I'm at the age where I want two girls In case I fall asleep they...

Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results

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Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart !...

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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart !...

A guy with a gun enters a bar. Who the fuck had sex with my...

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A guy with a gun enters a bar. Who the fuck had sex with my...

Words go from “babe” to “bitch”. "I love you" to " I hate you". "I...

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Words go from “babe” to “bitch”.