I once made love to a female clown, and she twisted my penis into a poodle.

Quote by Dan Whitney

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

Perfection of means and confusion of goals seem - in my opinion - to characterize...

Perfection of means and confusion of goals seem - in my opinion - to characterize...

Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man.

Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man.

Here Greek and Roman find themselves alive along these crowded shelves; and Shakespeare treads again...

Here Greek and Roman find themselves alive along these crowded shelves; and Shakespeare treads again...

I saw a notice that said Drink Canada Dry and I've just started.

I saw a notice that said Drink Canada Dry and I've just started.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

I think, therefore I am. I'm pink, therefore Im spam.

I think, therefore I am. I'm pink, therefore Im spam.

Facebook's timeline is my favorite way to watch girls from high school get fat.

Facebook's timeline is my favorite way to watch girls from high school get fat.

Most fools think they are only ignorant.

Most fools think they are only ignorant.

This is an age in which one cannot find common sense without a search warrant.

This is an age in which one cannot find common sense without a search warrant.

Let us never know what old age is. Let us know the happiness time brings,...

Let us never know what old age is. Let us know the happiness time brings,...

Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.

Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.

I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up,...

I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up,...

More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good.

More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you...

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you...

Have you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control are already born?

Have you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control are already born?

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

My friend has a baby, I am recording all the noises he makes so I...

My friend has a baby, I am recording all the noises he makes so I...

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove...

I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove...

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday...

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday...