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Love and time those are the only two things in all the world and all...

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Love and time those are the only two things in all the world and all...

Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy...

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Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy...

Love and time, those are the only two things in all the world and all...

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Love and time, those are the only two things in all the world and all...

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

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Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Time spent with cats is never wasted

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Time spent with cats is never wasted

When a woman is twenty, a child deforms her; when she is thirty, he preserves...

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When a woman is twenty, a child deforms her; when she is thirty, he preserves...

When I was little "I'm gonna tell your mom" was the scariest sentence ever

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When I was little

Normal people scare me but not as much as I scare them.

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Normal people scare me but not as much as I scare them.

Every night, I have to read a book, so that my mind will stop thinking...

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Every night, I have to read a book, so that my mind will stop thinking...

If I had not gone into Monty Python, I probably would have stuck to my...

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If I had not gone into Monty Python, I probably would have stuck to my...

Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a...

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Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a...

In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting...

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In love, somehow, a man’s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting...

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as...

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If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as...

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute forget...

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute forget...

Murphy's Law : Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself

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Murphy's Law : Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself

Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more awesome

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Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more awesome

Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of'em are...

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Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of'em are...

It's officially New Years Eve! You have less than 24 hrs to do ll the...

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It's officially New Years Eve! You have less than 24 hrs to do ll the...

Galaxy's centre tastes of raspberries and smells of rum, say astronomers.

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Galaxy's centre tastes of raspberries and smells of rum, say astronomers.

Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.

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Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.

I’m bad in geography but I can tell you that you live in my heart

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I’m bad in geography but I can tell you that you live in my heart