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Genius is one percent inspiration, two percent perspiration, and ninety seven percent Tesla

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Genius is one percent inspiration, two percent perspiration, and ninety seven percent Tesla

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. No one showed...

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When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. No one showed...

Joseph: "I'm going to buy them Christmas turkey". Albert: "Buy? Do you really mean buy?"...

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Joseph:

As I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing everyone...

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As I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing everyone...

Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels

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Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels

Tits is a word you can't say on television. That's such a friendly word. It's...

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Tits is a word you can't say on television. That's such a friendly word. It's...

We are all little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone...

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We are all little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone...

Normal people scare me but not as much as I scare them.

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Normal people scare me but not as much as I scare them.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in...

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I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in...

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same

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Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same

The paradox of our time in history We have bigger houses and smaller families; more...

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The paradox of our time in history We have bigger houses and smaller families; more...

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

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Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

Always have a friend with you on Christmas... who can take you back home when...

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Always have a friend with you on Christmas... who can take you back home when...

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.

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Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.

When nothing goes right.... go left.

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When nothing goes right.... go left.

Two things are infinite the universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the...

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Two things are infinite the universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the...

A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until...

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A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until...

If you asked me for my New Year Resolution, it would be to find out...

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If you asked me for my New Year Resolution, it would be to find out...

Hope Smiles from the threshold of the year to come, Whispering 'it will be happier.

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Hope Smiles from the threshold of the year to come, Whispering 'it will be happier.

On the road to success, the rule is to always to look ahead. May you...

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On the road to success, the rule is to always to look ahead. May you...

As the New Year approaches us with hopes anew, here is to wishing you and...

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As the New Year approaches us with hopes anew, here is to wishing you and...