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The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men

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The lovely thing about being forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men

After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say I want...

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After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say I want...

It's useless to hold a person to anything they say when they are in love,...

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It's useless to hold a person to anything they say when they are in love,...

New Year New Girlfriend New Problems.

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New Year New Girlfriend New Problems.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then...

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Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then...

Dr. Cuddy: When's the last time you showered? House: Scent of a man. I realize...

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Dr. Cuddy: When's the last time you showered? House: Scent of a man. I realize...

When nothing goes right.... go left.

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When nothing goes right.... go left.

When I was little "I'm gonna tell your mom" was the scariest sentence ever

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When I was little

Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits...

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Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits...

Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree; Your ornaments are history.

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Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree; Your ornaments are history.

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless,...

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Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless,...

I can read in Red, I can read in Blue I can read in pickle...

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I can read in Red, I can read in Blue I can read in pickle...

Tits is a word you can't say on television. That's such a friendly word. It's...

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Tits is a word you can't say on television. That's such a friendly word. It's...

If I had not gone into Monty Python, I probably would have stuck to my...

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If I had not gone into Monty Python, I probably would have stuck to my...

Falling in love is like being the frog disected in biology class. They open you...

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Falling in love is like being the frog disected in biology class. They open you...

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work...

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Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work...

There's more to life than beer, but who cares

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There's more to life than beer, but who cares

Life is far too serious a thing to talk seriously about.

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Life is far too serious a thing to talk seriously about.

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays...

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An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays...

New Year's Resolution Last year Need to get in shape for spring This year need...

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New Year's Resolution Last year Need to get in shape for spring This year need...

As the New Year approaches us with hopes anew, here is to wishing you and...

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As the New Year approaches us with hopes anew, here is to wishing you and...

Happy New Year 2014 The reason people find it so hard to be happy is...

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Happy New Year 2014 The reason people find it so hard to be happy is...