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Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step...

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Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step...

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just...

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I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just...

A guy with a gun enters a bar. Who the fuck had sex with my...

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A guy with a gun enters a bar. Who the fuck had sex with my...

Oh I offended you with my opinion?! You should hear the ones I keep to...

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Oh I offended you with my opinion?! You should hear the ones I keep to...

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

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Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

When I die I want my last words to be, I left a million dollars...

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When I die I want my last words to be, I left a million dollars...

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance.There's no doubt about it.Anytime you have a...

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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance.There's no doubt about it.Anytime you have a...

To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove...

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To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove...

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is...

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Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is...

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was pretty, I...

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If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was pretty, I...

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks...

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When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks...

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays...

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An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays...

Joy, you have to start drinking again. Like life, you are very hard to take...

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Joy, you have to start drinking again. Like life, you are very hard to take...

Drink' till she's cute but stop before the wedding

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Drink' till she's cute but stop before the wedding

There's more to life than beer, but who cares

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There's more to life than beer, but who cares

Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out...

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Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out...

The meal is not over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate...

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The meal is not over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate...

I'm great in bed I can sleep for days.

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I'm great in bed I can sleep for days.

Hoping you will kiss the boy you like on New Year's Eve.

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Hoping you will kiss the boy you like on New Year's Eve.

Another fresh year is almost here, another brand new year to live! Happy New Year!

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Another fresh year is almost here, another brand new year to live! Happy New Year!

On the road to success, the rule is to always to look ahead. May you...

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On the road to success, the rule is to always to look ahead. May you...

Happy New Year! Years come and go but what will remain unchanged is my feelings...

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Happy New Year! Years come and go but what will remain unchanged is my feelings...