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The simplest explanation is almost always somebody screwed up. Arrogance has to be earned. Anomalies...

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The simplest explanation is almost always somebody screwed up. Arrogance has to be earned. Anomalies...

He taught me housekeeping when I divorce I keep the house.

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He taught me housekeeping when I divorce I keep the house.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's...

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I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's...

If I had not gone into Monty Python, I probably would have stuck to my...

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If I had not gone into Monty Python, I probably would have stuck to my...

A woman is worried about the future until she gets a husband, while a man...

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A woman is worried about the future until she gets a husband, while a man...

Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.

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Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.

Open your eyes. Open your ears. Open your mind. Close your mouth

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Open your eyes. Open your ears. Open your mind. Close your mouth

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life....

The great secret of happiness in love is to be glad that the other fellow...

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The great secret of happiness in love is to be glad that the other fellow...

I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

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I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested.

Okay, we took off our clothes, I got on top of you.. How long 'til...

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Okay, we took off our clothes, I got on top of you.. How long 'til...

I don't care what people think of me. At least mosquitos find me attractive.

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I don't care what people think of me. At least mosquitos find me attractive.

I can read in Red, I can read in Blue I can read in pickle...

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I can read in Red, I can read in Blue I can read in pickle...

Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of'em are...

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Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of'em are...

The 8-Track is to today's stereos like what a girlfriend is to wife an earlier,...

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The 8-Track is to today's stereos like what a girlfriend is to wife an earlier,...

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

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You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

You never know what you have until you clean your room

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You never know what you have until you clean your room

When a woman is twenty, a child deforms her; when she is thirty, he preserves...

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When a woman is twenty, a child deforms her; when she is thirty, he preserves...

This is a new year. A new beginning. And things will change.

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This is a new year. A new beginning. And things will change.

Happy New Year! Years come and go but what will remain unchanged is my feelings...

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Happy New Year! Years come and go but what will remain unchanged is my feelings...

You’re supposed to let go of the past and start off new. You’re supposed to...

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You’re supposed to let go of the past and start off new. You’re supposed to...

We are in the last month of the year. Just felt I should thank everyone...

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We are in the last month of the year. Just felt I should thank everyone...