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A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say...

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A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say...

A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted

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A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

There has got to be more to life than just be really, really ridiculously good...

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There has got to be more to life than just be really, really ridiculously good...

Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits...

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Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits...

As I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing everyone...

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As I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing everyone...

Genius is one percent inspiration, two percent perspiration, and ninety seven percent Tesla

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Genius is one percent inspiration, two percent perspiration, and ninety seven percent Tesla

I really wanted to buy each of the kids something fabulous. But have you seen...

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I really wanted to buy each of the kids something fabulous. But have you seen...

Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out...

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Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out...

Always have a friend with you on Christmas... who can take you back home when...

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Always have a friend with you on Christmas... who can take you back home when...

When someone asks me to borrow a book, at first I'm happy they want to...

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When someone asks me to borrow a book, at first I'm happy they want to...

If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffe." "If you were my wife I'd...

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If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffe.

Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our heart, other people walk...

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Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our heart, other people walk...

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

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Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

What I think when someone uses the computer What the hell are you doing Why...

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What I think when someone uses the computer What the hell are you doing Why...

Joseph: "I'm going to buy them Christmas turkey". Albert: "Buy? Do you really mean buy?"...

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Joseph:

The advantage of being a freak is it makes you stronger

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The advantage of being a freak is it makes you stronger

If you wouldn't make her a wife. Then don't make her a mother.

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If you wouldn't make her a wife. Then don't make her a mother.

The paradox of our time in history We have bigger houses and smaller families; more...

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The paradox of our time in history We have bigger houses and smaller families; more...

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

For small beings such as we the vastness is only bearable through love

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For small beings such as we the vastness is only bearable through love

Is it possible for home to be a person and not a place?

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Is it possible for home to be a person and not a place?

Ancient lovers believed a kiss would literally unite their souls, because the spirit was said...

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Ancient lovers believed a kiss would literally unite their souls, because the spirit was said...