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Every guy thinks every girl's dream is to find the perfect guy.. pshh, every girl's...

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Every guy thinks every girl's dream is to find the perfect guy.. pshh, every girl's...

They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

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They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your...

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Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your...

The day I stop loving you is the day Lady Gaga decides to wear normal...

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The day I stop loving you is the day Lady Gaga decides to wear normal...

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she...

The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that...

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The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that...

A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

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A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

Valentine's Day is coming up ? Oh Crap!- I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

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Valentine's Day is coming up ? Oh Crap!- I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

When someone asks me to borrow a book, at first I'm happy they want to...

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When someone asks me to borrow a book, at first I'm happy they want to...

Drink' till she's cute but stop before the wedding

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Drink' till she's cute but stop before the wedding

Twenty year olds fall in and out of love more often than they change their...

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Twenty year olds fall in and out of love more often than they change their...

If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as...

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If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as...

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute forget...

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute forget...

God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, But I know...

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God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, But I know...

Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.

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Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.

Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels

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Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels

If I had not gone into Monty Python, I probably would have stuck to my...

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If I had not gone into Monty Python, I probably would have stuck to my...

A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by...

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A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by...

Love is not about counting the foot steps of each other its all about measuring...

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Love is not about counting the foot steps of each other its all about measuring...

You’ll learn to like someone when you find out what makes her laugh but you...

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You’ll learn to like someone when you find out what makes her laugh but you...

Women flirt to keep their stock high, men to get somewhere.

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Women flirt to keep their stock high, men to get somewhere.