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Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

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Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that...

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It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that...

The meal is not over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate...

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The meal is not over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate...

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's...

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I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's...

If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all

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If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all

This woman I met last week says she wants a guy who is "funny and...

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This woman I met last week says she wants a guy who is

I don't care what people think of me. At least mosquitos find me attractive.

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I don't care what people think of me. At least mosquitos find me attractive.

A good man can feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world... oh...

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A good man can feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world... oh...

I really wanted to buy each of the kids something fabulous. But have you seen...

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I really wanted to buy each of the kids something fabulous. But have you seen...

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

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You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me

No one looks back on their and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep

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No one looks back on their and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is...

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Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is...

Valentine's Day is coming up ? Oh Crap!- I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

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Valentine's Day is coming up ? Oh Crap!- I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

Dear Santa, if you leave a new bike under the tree, I will give you...

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Dear Santa, if you leave a new bike under the tree, I will give you...

What I feel like when I stop at a red light next to the ladies......

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What I feel like when I stop at a red light next to the ladies......

Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

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Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be...

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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be...

I make it easier for people to leave by making them hate me a little.

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I make it easier for people to leave by making them hate me a little.

We shall always be alone, we shall always be you & I alone on earth...

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We shall always be alone, we shall always be you & I alone on earth...

A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.

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A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.