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I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to...

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I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to...

In order to succeed your desire for success should be greater than your fear of...

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In order to succeed your desire for success should be greater than your fear of...

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think...

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Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think...

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and...

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No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and...

A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.

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A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.

Christmas is not the time for regrets. That's what anniversaries are for.

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Christmas is not the time for regrets. That's what anniversaries are for.

Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting one in a fruit...

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Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting one in a fruit...

I wish life was a remote. Play the easy times. Pause the good times. Fast...

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I wish life was a remote. Play the easy times. Pause the good times. Fast...

The advantage of being a freak is it makes you stronger

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The advantage of being a freak is it makes you stronger

The more you do, the more mistakes you'll make

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The more you do, the more mistakes you'll make

Always have a friend with you on Christmas... who can take you back home when...

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Always have a friend with you on Christmas... who can take you back home when...

The reason people use crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.

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The reason people use crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

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When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Please don't lie to me, unless you're absolutely sure I'll never find out the truth.

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Please don't lie to me, unless you're absolutely sure I'll never find out the truth.

Murphy's Law : Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself

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Murphy's Law : Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself

You have 200. 194. 305 friend requests. I knew this Facebook thing was a bad...

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You have 200. 194. 305 friend requests. I knew this Facebook thing was a bad...

Medicine prolongs life but death will seize the doctor too

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Medicine prolongs life but death will seize the doctor too

Valentine's Day is coming up ? Oh Crap!- I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

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Valentine's Day is coming up ? Oh Crap!- I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

My brain is like the Bermuda Triangle. Information goes in and then it's never found...

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My brain is like the Bermuda Triangle. Information goes in and then it's never found...

Life isn't like a bowl of cherries, it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What...

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Life isn't like a bowl of cherries, it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What...