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It's useless to hold a person to anything they say when they are in love,...

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It's useless to hold a person to anything they say when they are in love,...

House: No, I hired you because you look good; it's like having a nice piece...

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House: No, I hired you because you look good; it's like having a nice piece...

I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid, and...

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I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid, and...

Ahh, a little cancer never hurt anybody. Everybody needs a little cancer I think. It's...

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Ahh, a little cancer never hurt anybody. Everybody needs a little cancer I think. It's...

The world is a stage but the play is badly cast

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The world is a stage but the play is badly cast

A lot of times when a package says 'Open other end', I purposely open the...

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A lot of times when a package says 'Open other end', I purposely open the...

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where...

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The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where...

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

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Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can return...

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If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can return...

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied you can exchange it...

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Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied you can exchange it...

Dear Santa, yeah, I was naughty this year and it was worth it, you fat...

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Dear Santa, yeah, I was naughty this year and it was worth it, you fat...

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

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Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

Two things are infinite the universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the...

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Two things are infinite the universe and human stupidity and I'm not sure about the...

We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance

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We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance

Medicine prolongs life but death will seize the doctor too

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Medicine prolongs life but death will seize the doctor too

A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth

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A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth

If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion.

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If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

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If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Ever wonder about what he's doing How it all turned to lies Sometimes I think...

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Ever wonder about what he's doing How it all turned to lies Sometimes I think...

There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going...

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There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going...