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No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and...

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No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and...

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to...

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I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to...

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to...

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I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to...

In order to succeed your desire for success should be greater than your fear of...

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In order to succeed your desire for success should be greater than your fear of...

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think...

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Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think...

If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If...

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If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If...

I rise at six and then I feed the chicks , And I'm feeling lonesome...

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I rise at six and then I feed the chicks , And I'm feeling lonesome...

There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that...

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The only time you should look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that...

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me

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I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me

Be happy in front of people who don't like you, 'It kills them'

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Be happy in front of people who don't like you, 'It kills them'

Normal people scare me but not as much as I scare them.

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Normal people scare me but not as much as I scare them.

I swear it wasn't me.. unless it was a good thing then I did it...

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I swear it wasn't me.. unless it was a good thing then I did it...

The 8-Track is to today's stereos like what a girlfriend is to wife an earlier,...

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The 8-Track is to today's stereos like what a girlfriend is to wife an earlier,...

No one will win the battle of the sexe, there is too much flirting with...

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No one will win the battle of the sexe, there is too much flirting with...

After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say I want...

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After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say I want...

Age is something that doesn't matter unless you're a cheese.

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Age is something that doesn't matter unless you're a cheese.

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving...

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I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving...

Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out...

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Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out...

Violent Criminals. You take the entire state of Kansas , give them a couple of...

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Violent Criminals. You take the entire state of Kansas , give them a couple of...