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All right, you guys, just permit me one sentimental moment here. I have something to...

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All right, you guys, just permit me one sentimental moment here. I have something to...

When life puts you in tough situations, don't say why me? Just say try me!

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When life puts you in tough situations, don't say why me? Just say try me!

If you want to appear smarter, hang around someone stupider.

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If you want to appear smarter, hang around someone stupider.

You are far too smart to be the only thing standing in your way.

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You are far too smart to be the only thing standing in your way.

It's officially New Years Eve! You have less than 24 hrs to do ll the...

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It's officially New Years Eve! You have less than 24 hrs to do ll the...

Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.

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Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.

I rise at six and then I feed the chicks , And I'm feeling lonesome...

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I rise at six and then I feed the chicks , And I'm feeling lonesome...

Genius is one percent inspiration, two percent perspiration, and ninety seven percent Tesla

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Genius is one percent inspiration, two percent perspiration, and ninety seven percent Tesla

A good man can feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world... oh...

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A good man can feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world... oh...

The 8-Track is to today's stereos like what a girlfriend is to wife an earlier,...

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The 8-Track is to today's stereos like what a girlfriend is to wife an earlier,...

May the internet bring you comfort when your family goes insane this holiday season

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May the internet bring you comfort when your family goes insane this holiday season

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you...

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Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you...

The next time someone asks if you have a sec, tell them 'Actually, I have...

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The next time someone asks if you have a sec, tell them 'Actually, I have...

It's funny how when I'm loud people tell me to be quiet but when I'm...

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It's funny how when I'm loud people tell me to be quiet but when I'm...

Oh I offended you with my opinion?! You should hear the ones I keep to...

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Oh I offended you with my opinion?! You should hear the ones I keep to...

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. No one showed...

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When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. No one showed...

I'm trying to be a sensitive father, you unwanted moron

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I'm trying to be a sensitive father, you unwanted moron

What I feel like when I stop at a red light next to the ladies......

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What I feel like when I stop at a red light next to the ladies......

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. if you...

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By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. if you...

Every night, I have to read a book, so that my mind will stop thinking...

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Every night, I have to read a book, so that my mind will stop thinking...

If you don't do anything stupid when you're young, you won't remember something funny when...

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If you don't do anything stupid when you're young, you won't remember something funny when...