Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.

Quote by Dennis Miller

Topics: Dennis Miller Quotes

What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our...

What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our...

I've always loved the flirtatious tango of consonants and vowels, the sturdy dependability of nouns...

I've always loved the flirtatious tango of consonants and vowels, the sturdy dependability of nouns...

A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job...

A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job...

It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time;...

It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time;...

Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.

Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply...

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply...

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's...

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's...

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to...

Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to...

I lapsed into rude.

I lapsed into rude.

A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second...

A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second...

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps...

What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps...

Just put down 9-11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves...

Just put down 9-11... I think, on most things I'm liberal, except on defending ourselves...

I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're...

I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're...

The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.

The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.

The average Americans day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charless dart board.

The average Americans day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charless dart board.

It was nice growing up with someone like you; someone to lean on, someone to...

It was nice growing up with someone like you; someone to lean on, someone to...

The problem of our age is the proper administration of wealth, so that the ties...

The problem of our age is the proper administration of wealth, so that the ties...

I dont fear death, but I sure dont like those three-footers for par.

I dont fear death, but I sure dont like those three-footers for par.

Every time a baseball player grabs his crotch, it makes him spit. That's why you...

Every time a baseball player grabs his crotch, it makes him spit. That's why you...