Every time a baseball player grabs his crotch, it makes him spit. That's why you should never date a baseball player.

Quote by Marsha Warfield

Topics: Funny Quotes, People Quotes

There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.

There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.

Live in danger. Build your cities on the slopes of Vesuvius.

Live in danger. Build your cities on the slopes of Vesuvius.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put...

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put...

If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion.

If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion.

Advice in old age is foolish; for what can be more absurd than to increase...

Advice in old age is foolish; for what can be more absurd than to increase...

Every time I see something terrible, it's like I see it at age 19. I...

Every time I see something terrible, it's like I see it at age 19. I...

I was a bank teller. That was a great job. I was bringing home $450,000...

I was a bank teller. That was a great job. I was bringing home $450,000...

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Don't talk about a rope in the house of someone whose father was hung.

Don't talk about a rope in the house of someone whose father was hung.

We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap...

We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap...

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We...

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We...

Swing hard in case you hit it.

Swing hard in case you hit it.

As I get older, I just prefer to knit.

As I get older, I just prefer to knit.

If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you. If you really make them...

If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you. If you really make them...

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead...

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead...

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is...

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is...

People in the media say they must look at the president with a microscope. Now,...

People in the media say they must look at the president with a microscope. Now,...

A lot of problems in the world would disappear if we talk to each other...

A lot of problems in the world would disappear if we talk to each other...