Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.

Quote by Dennis Miller

Topics: Dennis Miller Quotes

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found...

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found...

I've always loved the flirtatious tango of consonants and vowels, the sturdy dependability of nouns...

I've always loved the flirtatious tango of consonants and vowels, the sturdy dependability of nouns...

The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.

The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was...

President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction was...

Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.

Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.

I lapsed into rude.

I lapsed into rude.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The average Americans day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charless dart board.

The average Americans day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charless dart board.

And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers...

And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers...

Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to...

Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to...

What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps...

What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps...

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's...

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's...

It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time;...

It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time;...

One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.

One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.

The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.

The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in...

The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in...

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off...

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off...

What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our...

What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our...