I hate it when the cashier's ask, 'Is that everything?' Uhh, no. I'd also like to purchase all of this invisible sh*t as well...

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sarcasm Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding, sings.

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding, sings.

Someone asked someone who was about my age: How are you? The answer was, Fine....

Someone asked someone who was about my age: How are you? The answer was, Fine....

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

What could be more beautiful than a dear old lady growing wise with age? Every...

What could be more beautiful than a dear old lady growing wise with age? Every...

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.

Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.

Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen...

Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen...

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized...

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized...

It is a terrible thing to look over your shoulder when you are trying to...

It is a terrible thing to look over your shoulder when you are trying to...

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.

I don't get why gyms have mirrors...I know what I look like. That's why I'm...

I don't get why gyms have mirrors...I know what I look like. That's why I'm...

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you...

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you...

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a...

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a...

Every age has a kind of universal genius, which includes those that live in it...

Every age has a kind of universal genius, which includes those that live in it...

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's...

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's...

Cherish all your happy moments: they make a fine cushion for old age.

Cherish all your happy moments: they make a fine cushion for old age.

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but...

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but...

Avoid sarcasm. Don't insist on the last word.

Avoid sarcasm. Don't insist on the last word.

'Are you mad at me?' Nooooo, I'm actually happy that you broke my heart and...

'Are you mad at me?' Nooooo, I'm actually happy that you broke my heart and...

Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.