I hate it when the cashier's ask, 'Is that everything?' Uhh, no. I'd also like to purchase all of this invisible sh*t as well...

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sarcasm Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

Mathematics is a game played according to certain simple rules with meaningless marks on paper.

Mathematics is a game played according to certain simple rules with meaningless marks on paper.

Monday is a dreadful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

Monday is a dreadful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

I wouldn't mind dying in a plane crash. It'd be a good way to go....

I wouldn't mind dying in a plane crash. It'd be a good way to go....

What is wedlock forced but a hell, an age of discord and continual strife? Whereas...

What is wedlock forced but a hell, an age of discord and continual strife? Whereas...

The best example of democracy I can recall is five wolves sitting down to dinner...

The best example of democracy I can recall is five wolves sitting down to dinner...

Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall...

Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall...

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new...

A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new...

I can resist everything except temptation.

I can resist everything except temptation.

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny...

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny...

I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.

I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.

In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.

In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them.

I believe in getting into hot water. I think it keeps you clean.

I believe in getting into hot water. I think it keeps you clean.

Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground.

Important families are like potatoes. The best parts are underground.

I'd be happy if I could think that the role of the library was sustained...

I'd be happy if I could think that the role of the library was sustained...

It was nice growing up with someone like you; someone to lean on, someone to...

It was nice growing up with someone like you; someone to lean on, someone to...

If you're not going to tell me your secret, don't tell me you have one.

If you're not going to tell me your secret, don't tell me you have one.

I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted...

I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted...

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished...

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished...

This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both...

This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both...

Of course I can keep a secret. Its the people I tell it to who...

Of course I can keep a secret. Its the people I tell it to who...