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America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one...

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one...

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing...

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing...

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives...

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives...

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of...

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of...

I've read some of your modern free verse and wonder who set it free.

I've read some of your modern free verse and wonder who set it free.

If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me...

If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me...

In Genesis, it says that it is not good for a man to be alone;...

In Genesis, it says that it is not good for a man to be alone;...

My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother,...

My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother,...

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

The good die young, because they see it's no use living if you have got...

The good die young, because they see it's no use living if you have got...

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little...

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little...

When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was...

When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was...

You can only be as good as you dare to be bad.

You can only be as good as you dare to be bad.

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.