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If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.

If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.

If you had to eat another human to survive, do you think they'd taste like...

If you had to eat another human to survive, do you think they'd taste like...

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO...

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO...

I'm all for women who get plastic surgery. Because plastic surgery allows you to make...

I'm all for women who get plastic surgery. Because plastic surgery allows you to make...

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to...

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to...

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few...

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few...

My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had... so he...

My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had... so he...

Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer,...

Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer,...

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is...

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is...

The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think...

The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think...

Until I was thirteen I thought my name was Shutup.

Until I was thirteen I thought my name was Shutup.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home...

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home...

My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, Well...

My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, Well...

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb......

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb......

When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would...

When a ladder was stolen from a store the manager said that further steps would...

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.