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If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum.
#Daniel Tosh
Sometimes my mind wanders; other times it leaves completely.
#Daniel Tosh
There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
#Daniel Tosh
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases...
#Daniel Tosh
Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
#Daniel Tosh
Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
#Daniel Tosh
Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I...
#Daniel Tosh
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I...
#Daniel Tosh
No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all.
#Daniel Tosh
Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or...
#Daniel Tosh
In Los Angeles they don't throw out their garbage away. They make it into television...
#Daniel Tosh
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't...
#Daniel Tosh
Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code...
#Daniel Tosh
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