Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other…

Quote by Jerry Seinfeld

Topics: Sex Quotes

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I...

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I...

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as...

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as...

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to...

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to...

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a...

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a...

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top...

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top...

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to...

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to...

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little...

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little...

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they...

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they...

Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little...

Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little...

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final...

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final...

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always...

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always...

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing....

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing....

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death....

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death....

I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing.

I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing.

All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one...

All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one...