People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

Quote by Jerry Seinfeld

Topics: Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always...

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always...

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little...

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little...

Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace...

Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace...

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to...

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to...

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I...

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I...

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top...

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top...

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's...

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's...

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death....

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death....

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they...

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they...

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the...

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the...

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always...

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always...

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as...

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as...

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to...

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to...

It is easy to say how we love new friends, and what we think of...

It is easy to say how we love new friends, and what we think of...

Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends...

Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends...