Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

Quote by Jerry Seinfeld

Topics: Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to...

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to...

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they...

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they...

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to...

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to...

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always...

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always...

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's...

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's...

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death....

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death....

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as...

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as...

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death....

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death....

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death....

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death....

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as...

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as...

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little...

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little...

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always...

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always...

I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. 'I think the puppet...

I'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. 'I think the puppet...

A mind is like a parachute. If it doesn't open, you're fucked!

A mind is like a parachute. If it doesn't open, you're fucked!

When Communist U.S.S.R. was a superpower, the world was better off. The right-wing media is...

When Communist U.S.S.R. was a superpower, the world was better off. The right-wing media is...

Government, obviously, cannot fill a child's emotional needs. Nor can it fill his spiritual and...

Government, obviously, cannot fill a child's emotional needs. Nor can it fill his spiritual and...

I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on.

I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on.

The law condemns and punishes only actions within certain definite and narrow limits; it thereby...

The law condemns and punishes only actions within certain definite and narrow limits; it thereby...

They all disowned their parents long ago, the way you are supposed to

They all disowned their parents long ago, the way you are supposed to